Theres a story about a bloke named Jerry

Got slaughtered and got real lairy

In the pub he acted obsured

and he came onto a boxer's bird

so he got knocked out

face swelled up like a rainbow trout

his girl found out the truth

but he couldn't explain cause he'd lost a tooth



* I wanna drink drink drink smoke fuck fight

I wanna shout, drink, scream, I wanna die!

I wanna be arrested

I wanna be molested

and my heads in pain, next weekend lets do it again!



An anecdote about a man named clive

wasnt one to usually drink drive

and after all he'd been through a stack

and so it was abit far to walk back

a month later and he's sitting in court

for the two lives he cut short

man slaughter he's convicted

for the pain that he inflicted



** spinning, my head is spinning, up around around!

down to the pub

up to the club!

my stomach's turning, oh my body's burning

our liquid lives

this is how we all survive



here's a story about a chap named Bart

drank 4 pints in hour and a half

although the night had just begun

cause the local pub was open till one

the next morning out in the country

hung over and on the hunt he

was still drunk and he risked hiself 

fell off his horse and shot himself



[Repeat *]



here's a story about a girl named Kate

got wasted and got date raped

when they told the doctors she'd sued

the found no chemicals was in her bloodstream

''well nothing malicious, but the alcohol levels were suspicious!''

when asked who had hurt her

poor old Kate couldn't remember.



our liquid lives this is how we all survive

and my heads in pain, next weekend lets do it again

down to the pub

upto the club!

and i've damaged my brain, next weekend lets do it again!



[Repeat **]



(Go on, drink up England! Come on, swig it up. It's what you all do best!)