(Talking)
May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please, 

Will the real slim shady please stand up, 
I repeat will the real slim 
shady please stand up...we're gonna have a problem here...

Ya'll act like 
you never seen a white person before
jaws all on the floor
like pam and 
tommy just burst in the door
and started whoopin her ass worse than 
before
they first were divorced
throwing her over furniture 
(aaaaaah)
It's the return of the...
"awww..wait, no wait, you're 
kidding,
he didn't just say what I think he did, 
did he?"
and Dr. Dre 
said...
nothing you idiots, Dr Dre's dead
he's locked in my bassment 

feminist women love eminem
chicka chicka chicka slim shady, 
"I'm sick 
of him, lookit him
walkin around, grabbin his you know what
flippin' to 
you know who"
"yeah, but he's so cute though"
yeah, I probably got a 
couple of screws up in my head loose
but no worse than what's goin on in your 
parents bedroom (eheheheh)
sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let 
loose
but cant, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
My bum is 
on your lips, My bum is on your lips
and if I'm lucky, you might just give it 
a little kiss
and that's the message that we deliver to little kids
and 
expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
of course they're gonna 
know what intercourse is
by the time they hit 4th grade 
they got the 
discovery channel, dont they?
we ain't nothing but mammals
well, some of 
us cannibals
who cut other people open like cantelopes
but if we can hump 
dead animals and antelopes
then there's no reason that a man and another man 
can't elope
but if you feel like I feel, I got the antedote
women wave 
your pantehose, sing the chorus and it goes

Chorus :
I'm Slim Shady, 
yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
so 
wont the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand 
up
cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
all you other Slim Shadys 
are just imitating
so wont the real Slim Shady please stand up, please stand 
up, please stand up

Will Smith don't got to cuss in his raps to sell 
records
well I do, so f*** him and f*** you too
you think I give a damn 
about a grammy
half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand 
me
"but slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird"
why? so you guys can 
just lie to get me here
so you can sit me here next to britney 
spears
sh**,Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
so I can sit next 
to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
and hear em argue over who she gave head to 
first
little bitch, put me on blast on MTV 
"yeah, he's cute, but I think 
he's married to Kim, hee hee"
I should download her audio on MP3
and show 
the world how you gave eminem VD (aaaaaah)
I'm sick of you little girl and 
boy groups
all you do is annoy me 
so I have been sent here to destroy 
you
and there's a million of us just like me
who cuss like me, who just 
don't give a f*** like me
who dress like me, walk, talk and act like 
me
and just might be the next best thing, but not quite 
me

[Chorus]

I'm like a head trip to listen to
cause I'm only 
givin you things 
you joke about with your friends inside you livin' 
room
the only difference is I got the balls to say it 
in front of ya'll 
and I aint gotta be false or sugar coated at all 
I just get on the mic and 
spit it
and whether you like to admit it (riiip) 
I just sh** it better 
than 90% you rappers out can
then you wonder how can 
kids eat up these 
albums like valiums
it's funny,cause at the rate I'm going when I'm 
thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
pinchin nurses 
asses when I'm jackin off with jergen's
and I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of 
viagra isn't working
in every single person there's a slim shady lurkin
he 
could be workin at burger king, spittin on your onion rings
or in the parking 
lot, circling, screamin I dont give a f***
with his windows down and his 
system up
so will the real shady please stand up
and put 1 of those 
fingers on each hand up
and be proud to be outta your mind and outta 
control
and 1 more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

[Chorus] 
x2

(Talking)
haha guess it's a slim shady in all of us... f*** it 
let's all stand up